goood day despite holding back the flooods


savanake park, spray jams

embedded skulls and grounded teeth, notice i lost the crucifix from my rosary chain



kinda fitting really


doughnuts


smokes


talks



we shoved into the car to lechlade


picked up chips


my thoughts were missing you all day


silence as you all spoke

swan invasion


beautiful jerks



spoke with sarah n cloudy n luke n charlie when i could



ive been welcommed into the family



adopt me dudes!





i need caring for, these next times loook uncertain





slept under the sun



"the phlem of a wasp"




wrestling


laughter



held back tears


i am missing you too much but i burn it down into a numb pit




ice cream was craved, picked up and driven back


i paced yer landing pad, you noticed and rubbed my hed n neared a hug as i backed away and knew those gates would open



i didnt wanna freak out yer kids



i rested and sunk into the sofa,



candles were lit


charlie closed curtains n said i needed to relax


we drew exquiste corpses



finally collaborated


i found yer copy of "the book of disquiet" after the bath times of luke n charlie


i read sections that neeeded


i willl pik this up before i burn

ive been tracing it for well over 5 years


fernandoa pessoa knew the deal


probably spelt wrong



have always wanted to read it sooo fukkkin much



it holds something greater then can be comprehended in our better days


we know very litttl of our nature


as far as im concerned we know shit of our selves



we have the capacity of limitlessness, but we are restricted by silent weapons



read will coooper


it will terrify


as well as open yer mind, u haVE TO BEAK PAST THAT POINT!!!!







we melted


i walked back to this


return




of guilt trappings, shit







undone












falling into darknesss




and i think of you


i think of you and know






i miss you to the point that this gi is all that holds me in that city, indo not ever wanna have to walk into yer haus again


id rather cease




that cat fuks me offf


male cats are jerks


males of any kind ARE




i ju wanna focus on babysitting, n cheltenham visit

maybe london


i hate that place



i dread my 30th





if u ost u r gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



i dont advertise for a fukkkin reaason!!!!!


existance equates shit




whatever you tll me and you


you are it



















it suks shit



x

DRUNK GERMANIC TEXT FROM BABY BRO

"joey, please dont be sorry for anything. i realised so much about life (as cheesy as itmay sound) when you were over..i have a bit of a hard time processingstuff you dont remember..but you will always be in my heartuntil i die. i love youdude. one day, i willput you out on vinyl maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan"



the fukkin fone wont let me call you future boy!


i want to be saturated by you 4!!!!!


taLKIN to sindre was good he better have huugged you all from me


emailing is a bit shit, tones are needed!!!

really in need of sleeping with someone goood


not meant in the way of sleaze




need holding as i sahke n space led down

its getting worse by the days



i need a cloud from monkey to rest within eternally

calll me111



i neeed that calling!

these "parents" arent right in the least




wanna have it out with them



with my mouth or a knife

she was my fukkkkin fiance u prikkk


i was savin for that as a surprise!!!!!!



(the fukkkin wedding)







dikkkk

i wish i was a dog or something not human



we r to overly complex



it suks and drains



u dont know who claims to be a friend is and isnt


to be raw again would be goood





wild.boundlesss and without inhibitions!!!!

i stare at those masks and sleep with a knife

sat by the chimp tree


3 homeless hearts


some kids throwng briks at swans


stat was about to yel at them before they stopped



noble guy despite his fear of birds



paul minus moustache looks wrong



a bar with water



talk of anhialtion



talk of the traps




talk of the down fall in this town



it sounds emo bull





live here



grow here
#


time slows down



you will seee






awake in pisss







awake to void and panic








awake to unknown blindednesss


i dont need yer concern





my fate is sealed sooon enough




do with that what you willl






the mouse glows all aquatic






the eye shadow infects eyes



gas out my ass






i mis claude n the hed bumps



timmmy follows me



he is lost


he follows everywhere



i hope she dont fukk u up as bad as us or them




the hinges drag



bak taped together





lies brew





stats tomo









get tattoos



"fuk forever"









lies reside and draw out into infinite shit









smash teeth


smash mother and father



smash sister






i neeed lone time in a mountain and a cave, a hole to shit/vomit/piss in



google fails me

slogan for a teee

" if your gunna kill humans, you may as well wipe us all out"


the 3 of us laughed to the truth




we waste far too much with indulgence and shit and negAting assholes



#

fuk this chicken town



fuk the emotional family baggage


my mother wants me tpo split so she can get laid



FUKKKKKKKK YOOOOUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ENJOY HIM!!!!! YER WORRIES CONDESCEND AND PATRONISE!!!!

eating livers!

picked up that teee today


"live wild, die free"

misssing ladddy alot!

we will seee

i dont know u anymore


i hate it


this


i dont


and dont


and dont



tears will spill, guitars will burn



cats willl scratch


nothing





yeh

it becomes a grudge and sounds through our heart. And it turns into fear. It is our heart.

"thats quite a kick in the balls"



u said it

plan

ill most likely lose that scrap of paper jammed in these screwed jeans, n seeing im obsessed with this fukkkin blog it can rest here


deep breath, here goes


2nd week july, jam like mother fukkkers for ztoys and screaming tshirtyt £100

manchester end july record with joincey

return for 5th gig

supernormal apatt orchestra and hassle skull flower

dikk

austria september stay sober record like fukkkerts, drag artem over, the noise trinity


talk to shillla


worried


return to leeds play show thru luke/rhid, maybe bradford for some fanboy vibes



SCOTLAND

look for room, draG bridget over to play a SHOW thru sam



totnes/plymouth again for womb shows



write to ozzy for my videos soooooon!!!!



IT IS TIME FOR VHS ALBUM


the dusat has settled to long on that one

u get tired and tired and tired of draggging this shit around






it weighs heavy



i anticipate tomo





all of it









fuk off and die

lets climb that hill


go to the museum, the gallery, i save the lawns for sacred shit :/




gate gate gate



the wisher table is something else



smokey bacon streaks




3rd pair of shades




tell the chuggers to get fukked




listen to tobys grime loopps




fade fade fade


i married chris



claudes tongue color satisfies me

he is elegant!!!




awake



die





heart pains



dik wad








i think of u alot



this is new



didnt expect this shit









ahh fukkk


"my heart is a ghetto, my mind is a swamp"




pleasure







pleasure




pleasure









pleasure avalanche





pleasure avalnche




here it comes, here it comes here it comes






that song is toooooooo goooood



despite the avalanche and death/destruction

piss is universal




my husband/wife liked this

i want to see you



i do u no harm



i jus want peace#


i would like ton seee you




show u this place







show u the calm within the storm








tracror consumes






toooooo many assholes





i struggle to delete u guys fuk

vluba and gate are the way

i do not know what this willll gain




i want to seee u and TALK



lies emerge


protect from inflicting shit



claude looks goood



i can hear those words




be careful is all i will say2fag goth bullshit abuse



i wish i was a cat or a dog, or someone other then human













i hope u see me despiten that meltown at the round about and that



forever means nothing



lies pursue







i wanna hear neubautren



i wanna be held by you





this hell rises



indulgence kills



i will play



i mnisss u soo mucxh




i dont want to hurt u


i feel the lips burn and the eye shadow stank



i want u to nvisit, just so u see thelawns, jus o u feel it, just blind, dumbn deaf


































findit if u will











u lie


1de
u llie




u lie




find me



xxxxxx



deth is a beginning

i wil behave, i had abreakdown of somekind today, i juis wannna smile with u n seee the picssso etchings with u

those lingering words

" destruction is not negative



you must destroy



in order to create"

yer okay despite this bullshit





bullshit



repetition



ashtray jeans





burns on the face




semen stained shit drawers




bright orange tongued cat stretched, warm on lap




torn betweeen production and destruction



total fukkking chaos





in need of that manifesto






chaos is important

spewing black



black black hole


hole whole whore



black



tar like




thick heavy sticky core







sinkin into oblivion

the first

these fanboy crushes are pissing me off!!!





though it would be cool to jam with you



its all about the fukkking music



far out!!!

these murderous/suicidal dreams are getting too fukkking much


too many assholes spewing shit


pass my father again


head down


steal blu tac


those guns cost too much, i dont need that fixation, theres enough of those



enough of enough

awaiting

again


again



fuk knows what for



think i'll walk over to the gunshop

i dont buy it


the things you tell me/dont tell me



cannot breakout of this clouded state



too terrified to do so



you are my forever


whatever that will consist of in the coming times

" center is lost






the center is now lost"

" as soon as you remove a person from their background


and parents....


you dont have much left"

its sad to see her...

....her casual behavior bewilders me


- yeh she was weird like that at the gig


....i guess she's moving on n im left pikkin up the pieces.......HA!

"time and space

try not to analse it too much

analyse

anal lies"

missing my twin

dont trust any you



if could jus grab my shit n run i could, but gotta jam thru this fukkin maddnes, and the lies you all "protect me from"






neeeed the coast







neeed the dope factory, dfont need convieniant conversations





fukk that

sicked of june

these dreams are too much


coastal


night



you were walking blind in just your panties


you were cruel of the things you said to me



you were lost


for some perverse reason i slipped your panties off



naked


you kept shifting form




zombies appeared



i covered you with my hoody



guided you to your mothers home


you really wanted to be there





with her


you were in a desperate and confused state





then


i




awoke



frantic



dry



disorientated and upset

the root has dawned

clearly


so fukking clearly


have grasped at it at times


but its real fukking clear




a


reality


ive never had parents


theve glimmered before





the oblivion of theyre lack


of



grabs



and



gone



no wonder so much anger



from us



no stability


no thing of good realness



drift, ache abandonment




there is no way to confront, there were blindfolded attempts that drained through days, that led nowhere




the only thing now is to leave you as the strangers you are




dead ghost children

eyes rolled inwards


unable to see us


death is the only salvation that awaits you both

those woods are calling


that head space will free


i will finally reach goodness



i still cant comprehend this knot



i know the truth, please dont protect me






im leaving








my thoughts









there































yeh




















i will remember you as long as capacity shall



i dont want nor



can


i


begin









to




begin to get over you



I DO NOT WANT TOO












ever



but its so



n so goes on, we we see what unfolds into deaths

TOTAL FUKKKKKING DREAD

everyday


something else


falls



a part

lone

sleeeep












die












awake



































pushit aside





































awaitit

the reality is hittin more



i cant stand it either way




its like an alternate reality



too much is changing




the only thing enjoy is this fukk em all approach.view/atittude





im tired of bullshit, bullshit




bullshit











i know what i need, it will be hard, but fuk it, fuk u, fuk u all

nightmare

could have done without

practicaly rape

i dont like you much as a friend as it is


forcing yerself upon me and this vulnerability


forceful

telling me you want to fuk me


im glad i woke when i did



still cant shake this off



you better have brought back that fukking pedal

jus wanted to see you


no words needed be exchanged



take you to the lawns



my favorite place





feel peace there




no words are needed



just eyes



looks away



half smiles



unknown shit








just wantedto see you







you wouldnt

















just wanted to see you




this is shit!









i just want tosee you somewhere mutual







you wont




i dont blame you





still, i wanna





i hate being this fukkin guy













it suks






















u r my best friend whatever

collapsing before passed out

remove yer glasses

place them on the side


wipe away the vomit streaks


place the cover over you


ignore the manipulated dillussions of the nite


turn of yer lamp


plug in yer fone



you look so broken






you have all yer life





goodnite mum

turd of june

marched to town for "supplies"

tyran tyran in the ears again


a muffled name call over penetrating them vibes

n stats bearded face as i turn around


kicked out of his parents, moving to devon, some insane victorian mansion with hells angels and a holy mineral water/ dope factory hidden within

he had that calming look you get after you smash shit, there was a mutual relief


we decided to head to the park


en route, avoiding the "mutants" was deceided to drop into the former post office now gallery


to see if theres anything decent to see




forgot after we deceidded and thought he was taking me some mad route that made no sense to the park






hungry, no food in the house


smoking to suppress the hunger




shrink that stomach


we were greeted,as i recalled our agreement, to check out whatever show was on,



a friendly faced middle aged man



we looked and read the naked thoughts bare and brave they struck



related

one in particlar stayed within mind



written on a palm


"the longer you wait for the future



the shorter it will be"


it terrified and comforted



another oxymoron





love those





the friendly faced guy began to speak to us, he was a carer at a mental health ward in oxford for kids dealing with anorexia, self harm, depression, the shit we label for the lightworkers that struugle with this shit thats deemed normality





that raw deal returns again





they're 16??!



installations of broken shaving razors,i read the "in patients" interviews responses with the carers as stat n bear face guy rapped




it was a pretty balls out thing to show, considering the tabbooo


especially here






he asked us to write a comment for the kids in the guest book jazz they have in these places, i sent them love


address: n/a



16, they feel so screwed but they see it alreaddy!


fuk man, as we were to leave they emerged from the door elsewhere, we congratulated them and thanked! they seemed awkward and in head lights, we knew was time to leave, showing yer self naked is fukkkin tuff, let alone to strangers!



we headed to the park



absorbed the rays



we vented




we vented of those frustrations we couldnt in those younger days clouded with pot, and broken homes we escaped and bonded over unspoken


u asked me what happened, i answered honest


i asked you


you did also,



you drew, i smoked



2 hours of humble company


conversed when was felt, enjoying the company when not



then we split, we did the lock of hands, you headed for yer ride



myself for the supplies, then those things that i needed passing on from a holy friend to ..........


when stated holy, i do not intend for religious conetations






just a good friend i consider beyond so much, and one of the very few i can truly truly fukkin trust, as to whether he does, we'll see



what happens happens



first day without a meltdown












just a panic to escape

loop

i never liked wearing rings

but i liked wearing yours

you really ought to write a tourist guide

you nailed it again

"berlin is like heroin, its cheap, it gets you fucked, you think you're in heaven, and then when you leave you miss and crave it..... the comedown fades and through time and clarity you realise it really wasnt so great"

was good to see you and keep company

gave my mind somethings to think about, about our being


to talk so openly i did not expect, but realised real at the same time

our paths crossed ten years ago or so


but as you said we werent who we are now, we werent as developed

you a mouthy asshole as you stated (you werent) my self faded, ghostlike


so many amazing stories


i hope you do rob that bank as friendly as you can


we spoke naked


of breakdowns, lost loves, blackouts, suicides, attempted and passed, the lie which is money, how we all are connected, the apathy residing in this country, the lie that is life, freedom, the universe, self hatred, the populace of closed off minds running the tracks, escape, the reason behind total anhialation, the importance of sharing creations as a gift rather a product


you told me of your birth into this world

"the first thing i knew of this world was fireworks and alcohol"

we laughed


the breeze felt good on my legs


watched a punk band sound chek


smoked by the road



and then the downfall, i had to leave


company overwhelms after a point regardless who its with


you understood, and im greatful for the beer, and humanity


i kissed you on the forehead and walked away head slumped with tears forming



i had the urge to scream, but didnt want to scare the kids in the playground




put tyran tyran on in my ears and walked off the beer

a grain

"don't be freaked by my silence,
i am living with no home and i get to a computer when i can
which is not so often
that's why i sent my phone number,
but i understand the not-wanting-to-talk-on-the-fone thing
just need to know you are ok.......
we are all really looking forward to you coming down,
should be fine for you to get here earlier,
i hope to be house-sitting for friends then
so you and me will have a place to stay
it will all be good,
going to get you out in the woods
plant you in some mud and grow a noise-tree
still call me if you feel like it,"

stand by

these rapid changes are too much


too deal with



i feel like i dont know soo many of you anymore




the 8th fills me with so much dread and uncertainty


dunno anything any more

whats that noise?


is it a telephone ringing

i dunno if i prefer u drunk or sober



i catch my only sister of blood tomo



sleep andd die





i wannna talk to u bro




im scared as hell,of these posibilities












yeh

i cant wait to meet you, as much as it scares the shit outta me

the thurst of june

dreamt you came to see me





waking up was pretty shit to say the least